Focus on Imaging 2006

BY ERIC GARNETT ARPS CPAGB

The plan was hatched on the Thursday night. Ian was collecting me first at 7.50am, so I set my alarm for 7.45am, which gave me plenty of time to slap a few slices of ham on buttered bread and give this month's shower a miss in exchange for copious amounts of the babe magnet deodorant Lynx Africa. After reading the warning, "Never underestimate the power of smell", I hoped the lads would be able to control their emotions and keep their animal instincts for the models at Focus. The reality was that after two hours in a confined space the deodorant had worn off and my natural aroma kept them at bay--"Never underestimate the power of smell".

Plenty of the usual banter ensued resulting in the normal no holes barred attack on Colin's attire. Fortunately, he’d refrained from colouring his hair (dye or pigment-based we're not sure) this month, which avoided the numerous Grecian 2000 jokes and the resounding chorus of jet. We thank god for Colin who always brightens our day. Colin retorted with his now world famous impersonations and those stories that have no meaning, nor ending, that last for what seem like days. After we resisted the urge to bail out on to the M6 at 80mph, he was duly left alone for the rest of the journey.

Ian got bored and when children get bored they focus their attention on to other things. My ears directly in front of him became irresistible and he just had to flick them with unnecessary vigor. Much retaliation passed through my mind, but the over-riding consideration was that he had being training for the last 8 weeks for his charity boxing fight….so I decided to let it go!

This time, Steve had to flex his vocal chords, which was unfortunate for us since he plays the guitar. However, he sang along to almost every song coming out of the CD player in a vain attempt to prove he was still the rock star from years, no, decades and decades ago, who allegedly never did drugs. This begs the question: what caused that sculptured and hagged Ozzie Osbourne look that we know today?

We finally arrived in Birmingham close to 10 and we were duly directed by the ever smiling and helpful attendants to car park 5, which was so close to the halls that it had its own rail and bus link. We thereby packed our survival gear, planned our route with the appropriate amount of base camps, elected Ian as team leader based on his fitness and….well his fitness, paid the seven pounds for the privilege of the scenic parking space and set of. Being the opening day we had expected a lot more people but were surprised to see it relevantly quiet; no battling to get to the stands of years gone by. A noticeable absentee was Canon; perhaps an indication of what is to come. There were no real freebies any more, something you used to look forward to. Comparing your collection over lunch usually resulted in an inevitable gloating that ensued if you found something the others hadn't. I sometimes think that this competitive spirit goes too far! Still, even though I promised I wouldn't, I collected the usual absurd amount of brochures which I never look at but that leave a physical mark with grooves embedded into your fingers that last for days.

The stands seemed to be more and more aimed at the professionals catering for wedding albums and the like. Still, there were plenty of stands where you can gaze longingly at the lenses and cameras which you know you can't afford and yet you desperately attempt to form a financial plan that will secure you that dream purchase. The difficult part would be hiding the deal from the wife (especially as she is typing this up for me!!) and getting a 4ft 1200mm lens past the wife waiting to greet you on your return. If anyone is interested in sharing the cost of a small storage facility for such a purpose then email Steve.

There were some excellent exhibitions of work that were breathtaking, but the smart-dumb balance is always restored on the other side of a board with work that leaves you gobsmacked with its averageness. Steve resisted his urge of yesteryears and left the Nikon mugs, which are not free, and avoided the embarrassment of being chased by Nikon reps for their safe return. He did however get a free roll of film from a plastic-gloved Les McLean; the things Steve will do for a freebie--the man possesses no morals. Once Mr McLean had completed his Scouse assassination he continued his demonstration on wet chemical toning of prints. Steve left with a free film, a nice all over sepia tone and a smile on his face.

Colin spent most of the day ignoring most of the exhibits and concentrated on photographing every female model he could find asking one PVC-clad beauty for an embarrassing amount of shots. Next time, remember to use the flash Colin. I myself was left looking and wishing I could afford to buy anything on offer and the models wouldn't even smile at me. It was left to Ian 'Biggs' Kemp to splash the dosh around. Even though he only does two loads a day, he still managed to buy his Rioch compact digital camera with £711 in cash. Colin was unable to watch him count it out and had to leave to avoid the embarrassment of grabbing a handful and making dash for it. However, I waited till there was over £200 on the counter before blowing it off….such childish pleasure!

By 4 o'clock we all had had enough, except for Colin who was now found photographing a Ducati bike with two models draped over it. Using expletives, such as 'give me more, baby', he was duly dragged away claiming sincerely that they wanted him. However, the rest of us had only legs of a KFC on our minds, which after all was the whole reason for the trip. Focus is only an elaborate deception for a KFC binge and we were soon on the road heading towards Keele Services. The car was barely stationary when Steve was out and striding towards his bargain bucket. Another enjoyable day with great friends and lots of laughs.

Please send any comments to Eric

Focus on Imaging 2006 (Trade & Public)
The NEC

26 Feb - 1 March 2006 Halls 9 & 10

www.focus-on-imaging.co.uk

Organiser
Mary Walker Exhibitions Ltd
Tel: +44 (0)20 8681 2619
Fax: +44 (0)20 8667 1590

Car Parking
£7.00

You can register for Focus on Imaging online on www.focus-on-imaging.co.uk, or via 01923 690659